You Can Keep A Dog: But It

What Beefsteak Is To Argentina, Flamenco To Spain, Cool Reserve And Self-control In All Situations To An Englishman, What Vodka Is To A Russian And Beer To A Bavarian, What Money Is To A Swiss, That Is Outdoor-life To An Australian. It Is A Noble Mania, Better Than Vodka, Better Than Cool Reserve, Better Than Money.

Jokes Are Better Than War. Even The Most Aggressive Jokes Are Better Than The Least Aggressive Wars. Even The Longest Jokes Are Better Than The Shortest Wars.

People On The Continent Either Tell You The Truth Or Lie; In England They Hardly Ever Lie, But They Would Not Dream Of Telling You The Truth.

You Must Not Refuse Any Additional Cups Of Tea Under The Following Circumstances: If It Is Hot; If It Is Cold; If You Are Tired; If Anybody Thinks That You Might Be Tired; If You Are Nervous; If You Are Gay; Before You Go Out; If You Are Out; If You Have Just Returned Home; If You Feel Like It; If You Do Not Feel Like It; If You Have Had No Tea For Some Time; If You Have Just Had A Cup.

On The Continent People Have Good Food; In England People Have Good Table Manners.