You Can Make A Very Heavy And

Vampires Probably Don't Have Great Breath.

I Can Always Tell How Stupid Someone Is By How Certain They Are About What They're Saying.

In America, One Sure Sign Of Success Is The Presence Of An Unnecessary Waterfall In A Person's Yard.

If I Ever Saw An Amputee Getting Hanged, I'd Probably Just Start Calling Out Letters.

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.