You Can't Drown Yourself In Drink. I've

Dying Is The Last Thing I Will Ever Do.

When Archaeologists Discover The Missing Arms Of Venus De Milo, They Will Find She Was Wearing Boxing Gloves.

I Would Like To Find A Stew That Will Give Me Heartburn Immediately, Instead Of At Three O Clock In The Morning.

Mr. [john] Barrymore's Smile Was The Smile Of An Actor Who Hates Actors, And Who Knows That He Is Going To Kill Two Or Three Before The Play Is Over. I Am Not An Actor-killer, But I Like My Hamlets To Dislike Actors, If You Know What I Mean, And I Think You Don't.

Sex: The Thing That Takes Up The Least Amount Of Time And Causes The Most Amount Of Trouble.