You Know, I Want To Teach, But

I Curse In Everyday Life, But Usually When I Stub My Toe. The Topics I'm Discussing, It's Not Necessary To Curse. I Found [cursing] Is A Sign That A Joke Is Not Finished Or Well-written.

Television's Very Much A Writer's Medium, As It Probably Should Be, But If You're Not The Writer, Then As The Performer, You Defer To That. It's Just Kind Of How It's Constructed. Is There Some Leeway? Yeah. But I Also Don't Want To Come Across As A Jerk.

I Think It's Important To Control Your Opportunities, Because In The Entertainment World, It's Not Up To You. I'm Not Sitting Here Under This Naïve Belief That Someone In Hollywood Is Going, "gaffigan! What Kind Of A Show Can I Build Around Him?" So You Have To Find Things That Can Showcase Your Point Of View.

I'm Afraid Of A Couple Things. I'm Afraid Of Getting Caught Up In Other People's Expectations, Because I Feel Like That's An Ongoing Battle.

I Know That Colbert Could Quote Thomas Aquinas And All This, But I'm Somebody Who, Because It's A Necessity For Me On A Personal Basis. I Need It Because I'm A Lunatic.