You Know What's Sad About This? Not

Do You Know What White House Correspondents Call Actors Who Pose As Reporters? Anchors.

U.s. Government Has Said They Are Now Going To Go After The Terrorist's Electronic Banking System. You Know What They Should Do? They Should Transfer Bin Laden's Funds To My Bank. They'd Mess Up His Deposits, Screw Up His Statement And Nickel And Dime Him To Death With Service Charges.

Italian Authorities Seized $6 Trillion Worth Of Fake, Worthless U.s. Treasury Bonds. Pretty Good Counterfeit Job, Too. They Look Just Like The Genuine, Worthless Treasury Bonds.

The Ceo Of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, Married One Of The Enron Secretaries This Week. It's Amazing How Romantic These Enron Guys Can Be When They Realize That Wives Can't Be Forced To Testify Against Their Husbands. Skilling Said Today She Was The Best Secretary Enron Had Ever Had. She Could Shred 950 Words A Minute. ... I Guess They Are On Their Honeymoon Right Now. That's Going Pretty Well. Hey, He's Used To Screwing Enron Employees.

The Worst Thing About Losing This Job: I’m No Longer Covered By Nbc. I Have To Sign Up For Obamacare.