You Know You're Rich When You Have

When You Become A Comedian A Lot Of Stuff That Made You Laugh Before Just Stops. You Stop Watching Your Old Cartoons You Used To Watch. You Stop Reading The Funnies. It's Like Working At A Strip Club. You Don't Come Home And Turn On The Playboy Channel.

There Are Only Three Things Women Need In Life: Food, Water, And Compliments.

You Can Never Make A Woman Happy, It's Impossible. I've Never Met A Happy Woman In My Life. They're Always Complaining About Something.

I Learned Pretty Quickly That It's Your Work Ethic That Levels The Playing Field. Education Helps, But I've Met Failures Who Have Ph.d.s. I Believe The Hardest Worker Is Always Going To Win.

Gas Is Getting So Expensive I'm Gonna Ride A Mexican To Work.