You Look Like You Deep Fry Your

About A Month Ago Some Kids In My Neighborhood Were Playing Hide-and-go-seek And One Of Them Ended Up In An Abandoned Refrigerator. It's All Anybody Talked About For Weeks. I Said, 'who Cares? How Many Kids You Know Get To Die A Winner?

What Do I Care If Someone Doesn't Like Me. If I Like Someone Other People Hate, It Makes Me Feel Special. I Think My Fans Feel That Way.

Yesterday I Accidentally Hit A Little Kid With My Car. It Wasn't Serious — Nobody Saw Me.

My Perfect Night Would Be Going Out To An Awesome Restaurant, Then Heading Over To The Comedy Cellar To Hang Out With Other Comics, Drinking Beers And Making Fun Of Each Other.

I Can Drink Like A Fish, Or At Least, Someone Born With Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.