You Look Like You Deep Fry Your

A Couple Of Months Ago, I Gave My Girlfriend Some Fancy Lingerie, And She Actually Got Mad At Me. She Said, 'anthony, I Think This Is More Of A Gift For You Than It Is For Me.' And I Said, 'if You Want To Get Technical, It Was Originally A Gift For My Last Girlfriend.'

I've Spent The Past Two Years Looking For My Ex-girlfriend’s Killer… But No One Will Do It.

In Comedy, I Hate That Cop-out Where You Say, "just Kidding." I Know You're Just Kidding. Don't Insult My Intelligence By Spelling It Out For Me That Much.

I Try To Retire Jokes As Soon As I Can Once I Put Them On An Album. But I Can't Think Of Anything I Just Stopped Doing For No Reason.

The True Meaning Of Christmas Is Actually Centuries Of Gullibility.