You May Catch More Flies With Honey

This Is The Pain Pacemaker. I've Got A Battery Under My Skin. From That Battery Are Two Electrodes That Go Into The Spine Where They Cut Bone Away To Accommodate It. Now I Put On The Power Here. If I Have The Pain, The Stimulator Starts. It's Tingling, Like When Your Foot Falls Asleep, You Know?

I Get Paid For What Most Kids Get Punished For.

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.

The Young Man Who's Had The Guggenheim Fortune Behind Him All His Life - He Can Hire All The Authorities On The Subject To Teach Him How To Do A Monologue, But He's Never Going To Have The Right Stuff To Pull It Off. If He Doesn't Walk Out Onstage Needing To Walk Out There, He Doesn't Have A Dream Of Doing Well.

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'