You Will Know You're Old When You

Squash - That's Not Exercise, It's Flagellation.

He's Completely Unspoiled By Failure.

Having To Read Footnotes Resembles Having To Go Downstairs To Answer The Door While In The Midst Of Making Love.

For Gin, In Cruel Sober Truth, Supplies The Fuel For Flaming Youth.

An Infant Prodigy Of Nine Is Shoved Upon The Stage In White. She Starts Off In A Dismal Whine About A Dark And Stormy Night, A Burglar, Whose Heart Is True, Despite His Wicked-looking Face, Who Puts The Little Child In Doom, To Save Her Mamma's Jewel Case. This May Bring Tears To Every Eye; It Does Not Set My Heart On Fire. I'd Like To Stand Serenely By And Watch That Horrid Child Expire.