Your Blessing In Life Is When You

We Know The Product Is Going To Stink. We Know That Because We Live In The World, And We Know That Everything Stinks. We All Believe, Hey, Maybe This One Wont Stink. We Are A Hopeful Species. Stupid But Hopeful. But Were Happy In That Moment Between The Commercial And The Purchase. And I Think Spending Your Life Trying To Dupe Innocent People Out Of Hard-won Earnings To Buy Useless, Low-quality, Misrepresented Items And Services Is An Excellent Use Of Your Energy.

I Can Walk Through A Hotel Lobby And Watch People At The Desk And See What They're Doing. People Don't Look At Me. They Don't Even Know I'm There.

Actually, The Only Memory I Have Of Being A Cub Scout Was Trying To Get My Hat Back. That Was All I Did. Run Back And Forth At My Bus Stop Going "quit It."

I Was In Front Of An Ambulance The Other Day, And I Noticed That The Word Ambulance Was Spelled In Reverse Print On The Hood Of The Ambulance. And I Thought, Well, Isn't That Clever. I Look In The Rear-view Mirror; I Can Read The Word Ambulance Behind Me. Of Course While You're Reading, You Don't See Where You're Going, You Crash. You Need An Ambulance. I Think They're Trying To Drum Up Some Business On The Way Back From Lunch.

What I Don't Understand Is How Women Can Pour Hot Wax On Their Bodies, Let It Dry, Then Rip Out Every Single Hair By Its Root And Still Be Scared Of Spiders.