Zach Had Rushed Down To Rescue Me

I Swear, Sometimes I Am Convinced My Life Is Just A Series Of Sketches For America's Funniest Home Videos, Minus All That Pants-dropping Business. Except My Life Really Isn't All That Funny If You Think About It.

I Usually Know Almost Exactly How I Feel. The Problem Is, I Just Can't Tell Anyone.

I Have Nothing Against Sean Penn. I Don't Even Mind That He Ended Up Divorcing Madonna. I Mean, I Still Like Shia Labeouf Even Though He Chose To Star In Transformers, Which Turned Out To Be A Movie About Robots From Space. That Talk. Which Is Just As Bad As Choosing To Divorce Madonna, If You Ask Me

It’s So Much Easier To Walk Away Than It Is To Have To Explain To Someone That You Never Want To See Them Again.

My Family, Theyre Story Tellers. My Mom Is Irish, And My Dad Is Italian. In My Family, We Werent Allowed To Watch Tv While We Ate - We Had To Sit Around The Table And Tell Stories About Our Day.