A Burrito Is A Sleeping Bag For

Onions Make Me Sad. A Lot Of People Don't Realize That.

I Was At This Casino Minding My Own Business, And This Guy Came Up To Me And Said, 'you're Gonna Have To Move, You're Blocking A Fire Exit.' As Though If There Was A Fire, I Wasn't Gonna Run. If You're Flammible And Have Legs, You Are Never Blocking A Fire Exit.

I Have A Cheese-shredder At Home, Which Is Its Positive Name. They Don't Call It By Its Negative Name, Which Is Sponge-ruiner. Because I Wanted To Clean It, But Now I Have Little Bits Of Sponge That Would Melt Easily Over Tortilla Chips.

I Don't Have A Microwave Oven, But I Do Have A Clock That Occasionally Cooks Stuff.

I Saw This Wino, He Was Eating Grapes. I Was Like, "dude, You Have To Wait".