A Parade Looks Like A Bunch Of

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.

I Got Into Stand Up Just To Do Stand Up Because I Love Stand Up.

I Learned This Summer That Peeing In The Pool And Peeing Into The Pool Are Very Different Things. Location, Location, Location.

When There's Someone Who's Dead And Then Someone Does Something That That Person Would Not Have Liked, They Say That That Person Is Spinning In Their Grave. But I Don't Understand Why They Say That. Why Is Spinning The Way That A Corpse Shows Disapproval?

I Live In New York And There Are A Lot Of Famous... Pizzerias In My Neighborhood, It's Really Hard To Find One That Isn't Famous. Which Sucks Sometimes, You Know What I Mean, Sometimes I Don't Want All That Glitz And Glamour, I Just Want Something Delicious, You Know? I Don't Need A Celebrity In My Mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza Would Be Fine.