The Shortest Distance Between Two Idiots Is

I Like Stand-up. But I'd Also Like A Family And House And A Yard. I Want To Work With A Lot Of People, Have Colleagues; And On Good Film Sets, There's People There That Work With The Same People For Years And Years. I Love That Collaborative Spirit In That Medium. Comedy Is A Lot More Solitary.

There Are Jokes I Know I Want To Tell, And There's Sort Of A Rough Order, But Usually I Try To Change It Up Every Show, To Improvise And Talk With The Audience. I Think When You Tell Jokes, If You're Not Careful, You Can End Up Telling The Whole List Of Jokes And Then That's It. And That Can Get A Little Boring.

If You Stretched The Average Person's Intestines Out From End To End, It Would Make Them Scream A Lot.

I Think That When You Get Dressed In The Morning, Sometimes You're Really Making A Decision About Your Behavior For The Day. Like If You Put On Flipflops, You're Saying: 'hope I Don't Get Chased Today.' 'be Nice To People In Sneakers.'

I Just Started Doing This One-man Show, And I Wanted To Be Able To Score It, So I Bought A Guitar, And Got A Keyboard And Got A Harmonica. I Remember When I Started That I Didn't Understand Why A Harmonica Had Different Letters On Them.