A Squirrel Is The Same As A

One Thing You Never Hear Is "man That Guy Is Good At Badminton".

Turtles Are Greater Than Baby Nephews, Because It's Ok To Drop A Turtle.

I Saw A Sign That Said, 'watch For Children.' I Was Like, 'that Sounds Like A Fair Trade - Especially If They're Crappy Kids.'

I Walk Around And Think About Things. When I Come Across A Thought That Makes Me Laugh, I Write It Down. Then, At Night, I Say The Thought To People Through A Microphone. I Don't Think About Politics Or Pop Culture Very Much, So Those Thoughts Don't Often Make It To The Microphone.

To Some I Am Known As Chief. And These Are Usually People Who Work In Radio Shack Or Try To Sell Me Shoes. To Others I Am Known As Buddy. These Are People Who Dwell In Bars And Wonder If I’ve Got A Problem Or What It Is That I Am “looking At.” And To Still Others, Who Are In That Same Bar, Standing Just Off To The Side, I Am “get Him!"