Alcohol Is Really Just The Liquid Version

I Wanted To Be A Doctor Once Upon A Time, But It Turns Out You've Got To Study, And That Wasn't Going To Happen. I Had No Idea What I Was Going To Do. I Had Trouble Holding Jobs Because They Want You To Be On Time. That Wasn't Going To Work.

You Work, You Get Paid, You Drink.

And I Don't Like To Work. I Only Like Working When I'm Working.

Chicks Dig Me Because I Rarely Wear Underwear, And When I Do, It's Usually Something Unusual.

I'm Not An Alcoholic, I Only Drink Two Times A Year. When It's My Birthday, And When It's Not My Birthday.