All I Can Do Is Turn A

I Work On The Assumption, Or Let It Be The Fear, That The Reader Will Stop Reading If I Stop Being Interesting.

In London There Was No Home Cooking Worthy Of The Name. When You Were In Funds You Ate Out. But Only The People Whose Faces Appeared In Such Publications As Town And Queen Could Afford To Eat In Restaurants Serving Food Which Would Leave Them Looking And Feeling Better Instead Of Worse.

Philosophers Are Divided On The Question Of Whether The Narrative Therein Unfolded [the Crossman Diaries] Is Grippingly Boring Or Boringly Gripping.

In Between The Queen And The First Lady, Nancy Reagan, Sat Tony Richardson, Looking Very Calm. Later On It Emerged That This Was Because, Having Not Been Apprised Of The Placement Until He Was About To Sit Down, He Had Died Of Fright. To Have Expired Was To Be Fortunate.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Looks Like A Brown Condom Full Of Walnuts.