All These Jokes Have Been Pre-approved As

If You Find Yourself Lost In The Woods, Build A House. "well, I Was Lost, But Now I Live Here!"

The Depressing Thing About Tennis Is That No Matter How Good I Get, I'll Never Be As Good As A Wall.

When You Start Out In Comedy, Or Probably In A Lot Of Things, You Want It To Happen Fast. You Don't Want To See Yourself Having To Do This For Seven Years Before You Start To Get Some Feedback.

I Hate Turkeys. If You Stand In The Meat Section At The Grocery Store Long Enough, You Start To Get Mad At Turkeys. There's Turkey Ham, Turkey Bologna, Turkey Pastrami. Some One Needs To Tell The Turkey, 'man, Just Be Yourself.'

People Ask Me For My Autograph After A Show. I'm Not Famous, I Think They're Messing With Me. I Think They're Trying To Make Me Late For Something.