As We Head To War With Iraq,

Halloween's Coming. Kids Get Very Imaginative In My Neighborhood. Last Year, Three Kids Showed Up As Goldman Sachs Executives And Demanded 4.5 Billion Pieces Of Candy.

Kerry Is Saying That Bush Never Showed Up For His National Guard Duty ... And Now Bush Is On The Attack. He's Accusing John Kerry Of Ducking Time In The National Guard By Hiding Out In The Jungles Of Vietnam.

There Is A Video Out Now On How To Please Men. Here's Tip Number 1: Just Show Up!

Before They Went On Vacation, Congress Voted To Exempt Themselves From Obamacare. They Gave Themselves A Special Exemption Because They Thought It Was Too Expensive. So The People Who Voted For Obamacare For Us Voted To Exempt Themselves From It. You Know How Doctors Take The Hippocratic Oath. Congress Apparently Takes The 'hypocritic Oath.'

There Are Now More Obese People In The United States Than There Are Overweight People. I Think It's Safe To Say That After All These Years, Diet Coke Is A Complete Failure.