At My Age I'm Envious Of A

You Know You're Ugly When You Go To The Proctologist And He Sticks His Finger In Your Mouth.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

Last Week I Told My Wife, If You Would Learn To Cook, I Could Fire The Chef. She Said, If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

If Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder, So Is Ugliness.

When I Was 3 Years Old, My Parents Got A Dog. I Was Jealous Of The Dog, So They Got Rid Of Me.