At The Sharper Image Store, I Saw

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger Made Another Major Announcement. He Said His Lieutenant Governor Will Be Xena, Warrior Princess.

Enron's President, Ken Lay, Passed Away Last Week. So, I Guess Even God Lost Money On That Enron Deal. I Believe The Official Cause Of Death Was Listed As "karma." The Family Asked In Lieu Of Flowers, Please Send Some Elderly Retiree's Entire Life Savings.

You Know What Ken Lay Had For Breakfast This Morning? Shredded Wheat.

A Historic Operation Occurred Over In Boston. Doctors Successfully Transplanted Tissue From A Pig's Brain To A Man's Brain -- And The Man's Brain Did Not Reject It. That Pretty Much Confirms What Women Have Been Saying About Men.

As We Head To War With Iraq, President Bush Wants To Make One Thing Clear: This War Is Not About Oil. It's About Gasoline.