Martha Stewart Is Now Under House Arrest.

President Bush's Campaign Is Now Attacking John Kerry For Throwing Away Some Of His Medals To Protest The Vietnam War. Bush Did Not Have Any Medals To Throw Away, But In His Defense He Did Have All His Services Records Thrown Out.

I'm Trying To Sum Up President Obama's First 11 Months In Office. He Gave Billions To Wall Street, Cracked Down On Illegal Immigrants Getting Health Care, And He's Sending 30,000 More Troops To Afghanistan. You Know Something, He May Go Down In History As Our Greatest Republican President Ever.

Here At Work, Obviously, I Make The Most Money Of Anyone On The Show, So I Try To Be The First One Here And The Last One To Leave. I Have The Crummiest Office. I Try To Balance Things Out, Spread It Around.

Congratulation S To Rahm Emanuel On Being Elected Mayor Of Chicago. His First Order Of Business After Taking Office Will Be To Actually Move To Chicago.

On 'meet The Press' Yesterday President Bush Was Asked What He Would Do If He Lost The Election And Bush Said, ''phhh, You Mean Like Last Time?'