Before I Speak, I Have Something Important

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

One Woman And One Man Might Have Been Ok In Your Grandmother's Day, But Who Wants To Marry Your Grandmother? Not Even Your Grandfather!

No, Groucho Is Not My Real Name. I Am Breaking It In For A Friend. I Never Forget A Face, But In Your Case I'll Be Glad To Make An Exception. I Find Television Very Educating. Every Time Somebody Turns On The Set, I Go Into The Other Room And Read A Book. I Have Had A Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasn't It. I Didn't Like The Play, But Then I Saw It Under Adverse Conditions - The Curtain Was Up.

With The Possible Exception Of Clothes, Beauty Salons And Frank Sinatra, There Are Few Subjects All Women Agree Upon.

Don’t Ever Underestimate The Importance Of Money. I Know It’s Often Been Said That Money Won’t Make You Happy And This Is Undeniably True, But Everything Else Being Equal, It’s A Lovely Thing To Have Around The House.