Before I Speak, I Have Something Important

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

Even The Intellectual Crowd Will Have None Of Me. Physically, I Look Like One Of Them. Graying At The Temples, I Walk With A Slight Limp And Wear Thick Glasses.

Behind Every Successful Man Is A Woman, Behind Her Is His Wife.

Either He's Dead Or My Watch Has Stopped.

I'll Never Forget My Wedding Day... They Threw Vitamin Pills