Bill Gates Is Just A Monocle And

We Need Anything Politically Important Rationed Out Like Pez: Small, Sweet, And Coming Out Of A Funny, Plastic Head.

I Don't Have Credibility, I'm A Comedian. I'm Not Ed Murrow Up On The Roof In A London Fog Reporting On The Blitz.

Joan Rivers Telling Lauren Bacall Her Dress Is All Wrong Is Like Carrot Top Telling Lenny Bruce He Needs To Get An Edge.

The Soldiers Kill Suicide Bombers. Think About That. When A Guys Whole Thing In Life Is To Kill Himself And You Get There First... You Are Halling Ass My Friends.

So Who's The Big Red Menace Nowadays? Cuba. That's It? I'm Sorry, But It's Hard To Whip Up Any Us Against Them Nationalist Fervor About A Country Whose Principal Export Is Citizens Who Can Swim.