Cars And Women Are A Lot Alike.

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company Sends Me 1/2 A Calendar!

Hey, Did Somebody Step On A Duck?

I Knew A Girl So Ugly, I Took Her To The Top Of The Empire State Building And Planes Started To Attack Her.