Comics Just Don't Retire. They Either Die

When I See A Good Singer, I Get Teary-eyed. Part Of It Is Jealousy Because All Comedians Are Frustrated Rock Stars. That's A Fact.

I Can't Defend Someone Else's Jokes. I Can Only Defend My Jokes, And I Have To Live With My Own Jokes.

I've Always Liked Cops, As Much As You Can Like A Group Of People, You Know? Sure, I've Been Hassled, But I'm A White Dude - Privileged.

With Everybody Having A Facebook And A Twitter, I Feel Like Regular People Consider Themselves Stars. It's A Live, Real-time Upload Of Every Time We Buy A Pair Of Socks, The Most Telling Sign That We're Losing Our Politeness. When You Know Everything About Somebody, You Can Talk To Them Any Way You Please.

I Had A Life Experience That Most Of My - That None Of My Friends Had. I Remember I Became Everybody's Rabbi. Everybody Who Needed Advice Would Talk To Me, And It Became An Obvious Thing.