Communism Is Like One Big Phone Company.

Never Tell. Not If You Love Your Wife...in Fact, If Your Old Lady Walks In On You Deny It. Yeah. Just Flat Out And She'll Believe It: "i'm Tellin' Ya. This Chick Came Downstairs With A Sign Around Her Neck 'lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I Didn't Know What I Was Goin' To Do.

If I Just Stuck To Pot I Might Have Found Out What A Drag Being An Aging Hipster Actually Was.

If I Get Busted In New York, The Freest City In The World, That Will Be The End Of My Career.

What Is Truth Today May Be A Damn Lie Next Week.

Never Trust A Preacher With More Than Two Suits.