Crocodiles Have A Smile I've Seen On

My Mother Won't Admit It, But I've Always Been A Disappointment To Her. Deep Down Inside, She'll Never Forgive Herself For Giving Birth To A Daughter Who Refuses To Launder Aluminium Foil And Use It Over Again.

Myths That Need Clarification: "no Matter How Many Times You See The Grand Canyon, You Are Still Emotionally Moved To Tears." False. It Depends On How Many Children The Out-of-towners Brought With Them Who Kicked The Back Of Your Seat From Phoenix To Flagstaff And Got Their Gum Caught In Your Hair.

I've Exercised With Women So Thin That Buzzards Followed Them To Their Cars.

There Is Nothing More Miserable In The World Than To Arrive In Paradise And Look Like Your Passport Photo.

One Son Appears In Stereo - A Transistor In One Ear And The Phone In The Other.