Don't Ever Rope Me In As A

Ratings Experts Say The Best Way To Get People To Watch During Sweeps Is To Leave The Audience With A Question That Won't Be Answered Until The Next Time The Show Is On. You Know, Like Who Shot J.r.? I Like To Think I Do This Every Night - The Question Is, Is This Show Still On?

Here In California, We Passed A Law Against Texting While Driving. But There's No Law Preventing You From Writing A Letter While Driving.

These Days, Teachers Have It Rough. Kids Can Be Hyperactive, Disobedient, And Obnoxious. It Must Feel Like Being Locked In A Room Of Drunk Midgets.

I Think That Everything Looks A Little Scarier At Night, When The Sun Goes Down. And I Know I Kind Of Want A Sense Of Reassurance Or A Community. Late-night Shows Is A Rare Place Because That's What We Do. Increasingly, I Felt Like I Didn't Want To Be That Guy. I Didn't Want To Do That. It Wasn't The Only Reason That I Stopped Doing It, But It Was A Consideration - I Didn't Know How To Process Tragedy After Tragedy And Then ... It Just Got Too Much, I Think.

Don't Protest Outside Of A Rich Man's House In The Daytime, You'll Just Scare The Maid, And That's Arnold Schwarzenegger's Job.