Don't Mistake Being An Asshole For Being

I'm Not Good Looking. I'm Very Strange - A Very Bony Face On An Enormous Skull, And I Don't Like To Be Naked Because I Don't Like How I Look Naked. And - No, No. I Own A Lot Of My House, Because I'm Irish And From People Who Never Owned Anything. So I Could Have A Lot More Trappings Of Wealth If Every Time I Had 20 Extra Dollars I Didn't Pay Off More Of The Mortgage.

Oftentimes, When People Write Me 4,000-word Letters, I Write Them Back And Tell Them If Their Problem's That Complicated, They Probably Need A Lawyer Or A Cop, And Not Me.

Kids Are Like Heroin, A Little Heroin Addiction. When It’s Bad, You’ve Never Been So Miserable, But When It’s Good You’ve Never Been So High.

I Believe It's In The Best Interests Of A Child To Be In A Stable Environment.

I Don't Think That Sin And Pursuing Happiness Are Not Necessarily The Same Thing.