Dry Land Is Not A Myth. I've

If I Had Never Ventured Beyond Being A Stand-up Comic, Then I Would Be Sitting In My House Today Working On My Leonardo Dicaprio Impression.

Maybe There Is No Actual Place Called Hell. Maybe Hell Is Just Having To Listen To Our Grandparents Breathe Through Their Noses When They're Eating Sandwiches.

I'm Not In A Recession. I'm Doing Very, Very Well. I'm Doing Incredibly Well. I Just Want To Be Honest. I Really Am Kicking Ass.

Be Grateful. Find Something To Be Grateful For. Don't Do Too Many Things That Make You Feel Like You Deserve To Lose Because We Do Program Our Own Computers. I Believe There Is A Plus And A Minus Column And If You End Up On The Minus Column, Your Own Conscience Will Make You Lose.

Free Cable Is The Ultimate Aphrodisiac.