Even At The Height Of My Fame,

I've Stopped Drinking, But Only While I'm Asleep.

Pele Called Me The Greatest Footballer In The World. That Is The Ultimate Salute To My Life.

Me And A Mate Picked Up Two Darling Birds And They Took Us Back To Their Flat. I Went Into The Bedroom With My Bird And She Started Getting Undressed. I Was That Drunk I Was Standing There Wondering How To Get Undressed Without Letting Go Of The Award. I Went To Sit On The Bed, Missed It By Four Feet And Ended Up Lying On The Floor. I Remember The Bird Looking Down At Me, And Saying, ‘some Player Of The Year.’ Then I Fell Asleep. I Woke Up Still Clutching My Award And Staggered Out Of The Flat. I Hadn’t A Bloody Clue Where I Was.

Even At The Height Of My Fame, 50 Per Cent Of The People Who Saw Me Wanted A Fight; It’s The Downside Of Being A Star Player.

They Say Paul Gascoigne Is The New George Best But Has He Shagged Three Miss Worlds?