Every Time I Go Near The Stove,

Tennis Is Like Marrying For Money. Love Means Nothing.

Carry An Oar When You Drive. Three Times I've Ended Up In Water.

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.

Whatever You May Look Like, Marry A Man Your Own Age - As Your Beauty Fades, So Will His Eyesight.

Too Many Comics Today Ramble. By The Time They Get To The Punch Line, The Audience Has Either Gone To Sleep, Gone To The Bathroom Or Gone To Bed.