Every Time You Try To Flirt With

One Question," I Said. "did You Tell Me All That Because You Think I'm Going To Die?" "no," He Said. "it's Because You're Doing Something Brave, And I Felt I Should Too." "i'll Take That As A Yes," I Said.

I Envisioned Huge Piles Of The Elf Hotel Flying Off The Belt, Taking Down Everybody In Sight. I Had Seen Pictures Of That Elf Hotel - It Had Sharp Candy-cane Spires That Could Easily Impale Someone. If Anyone Was Ever Going To Be Killed By An Elf Hotel, It Would Be My Parents.

It's Always Awkward When Someone Doesn't Realize You're Joking And Devotes Thought Time To What You've Said. Double That When The Person Is Wearing Tinfoil.

I Have No Phobias. Phobias Are Irrational. My Fears Are Rational And Carefully Cultivated, Like Roses.

I Am A Mass Of Contradictions.