Everyone Has A Purpose In Life. Perhaps

Quiet Down, We Don't Want To Wake The Russians.

The Catholic Church Has A Tough New Policy On Child Molestors: Three Strikes And You're A Cardinal.

The Post Office Is Raising The Price Of Stamps Again. I Heard That And Said To Myself, 'if Only There Was An Inexpensive Electronic Way Of Communicating.'

Mary Keitany From Kenya Won The Women's Race At The New York City Marathon. You Can Tell She Was Fast Because Guys On The Street Didn't Even Have Time To Finish Their Catcalls.

If Ricky Schroder And Gary Coleman Had A Fight On Television With Pool Cues, Who Would Win? 1) Ricky Schroder 2) Gary Coleman 3) The Television Viewing Public