Everything I Do On Stage, I Made

That I Walk Around Calling People 'dummy' And 'hockey Puck'. I Do Have A Different Life Apart From Being Sarcastic On Stage. I Might Kibitz Around With My Friends, But I'm Nothing Like The Person Who Does Stand Up. Nothing Like That.

I Have My Own Gym. When You Do Jokes And They Sell, You Get A Gym.

Once In A While, When I'm Alone, I Think About My Age. I Think, How Many More Years Do I Have On This Earth? But I Can't Really Conceive Of Dying. Somehow, In My Head, I Don't Think I'll Die. I Know That Everybody Dies, Of Course. I Just Think That It'll Never Come To Me. It's Crazy, But There It Is.

I Have No Idea What I'm Going To Say When I Stand Up To Give A Toast. But I Do Know That Anything I Say I Find Funny.

Everything I've Ever Done In My Whole Career, People Might Not Know, I've Never Written Anything Down On Paper.