If I Had A Hammer, There'd Be

Tread Gently On Anyone Who Looks At You Sideways.

The Religion In Scotland Is One Of The Most Patronising Things... After The Weather.

And Then There Was My Mate Who'd Just Been Fitted With A Brand New Hearing Aid. "it's The Best In The World", He Said. "what Type Is It?", I Asked And He Said "ten Past Twelve".

I Loved Japan. I Used To Read A Lot About It When I Was A Child. And I Always Wanted To Go. And It Was Delightful. I Absolutely Loved It. What A Smashing Place.

Now, The Country Is In A Terrible State, And You've Blamed It On A Number Of Things: Unemployment Rate, The Value Of The Pound And All That... Wrll, It's Because The National Anthem Is Boring.