Having A Baby Can Be A Scream.

[when Told That Her Grandchild Had Her Nose:] I Didn't Get This Nose Until I Was Thirty-four.

I Wish I Could Tell You It Gets Better. It Doesn't Get Better. You Get Better.

A Child Can Be Taught Not To Do Certain Things, Such As Touch A Hot Stove, Pull Lamps Off Of Tables, And Wake Mommy Before Noon.

I Have To Tell You That It's Not Going To Be Easy. Take Every Chance And Every Opportunity That You Can. Don't Say 'i Can't' Or 'i Shouldn't' Or 'i'm Too Tired.'

The Glass Is Always Half Empty. All Good Comedians Are Manic-depressive.