Whatever You Do, You're Going To Be

Despite The Fact That Computer Speeds Are Measured In Nanoseconds And Picoseconds - One Billionth And One Trillionth Of A Second, Respectively - The Smallest Interval Of Time Known To Man Is That Which Occurs In Manhattan Between The Traffic Signal Turning Green And The Taxi Driver Behind You Blowing His Horn.

Happiness Is Discovering The Prune Juice Your Doctor Ordered You To Drink Has Fermented.

There's A Lot Of Hypocrisy In Audiences. I'd Never Dream Of Telling Even On A Nightclub Stage, Let Alone My Show, Some Of The Jokes That Are Told In A Lot Of The Living Rooms From Which We Get Those Letters!

Happiness Is Having A Rare Steak, A Bottle Of Whiskey, And A Dog To Eat The Rare Steak.

The Only Thing Money Gives You Is The Freedom Of Not Worrying About Money.