I Am Definitely Going To Watch The

The Glass Is Always Half Empty. All Good Comedians Are Manic-depressive.

Women Should Look Good. Work On Yourselves. Education? I Spit On Education. No Man Is Ever Going To Put His Hand Up Your Dress Looking For A Library Card.

The Last Time I Appeared In Las Vegas, They Were Wearing Hoop Skirts And Davy Crockett Hats, ... But They Say 'what Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas.' And As Far As Fashion Is Concerned, That's A Good Thing.

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.

If You Can't Make Fun Of Yourself, You Don't Have Any Right To Make Fun Of Others