I Am Influenced By Every Second Of

Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles Is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's Goyish. B'nai B'rith Is Goyish; Hadassah, Jewish. If You Live In New York Or Any Other Big City, You Are Jewish. It Doesn't Matter Even If You're Catholic; If You Live In New York, You're Jewish. If You Live In Butte, Montana, You're Going To Be Goyish Even If You're Jewish.

All My Humor Is Based Upon Destruction And Despair.

The Only Truly Anonymous Donor Is The Guy Who Knocks Up Your Daughter.

The Role Of A Comedian Is To Make The Audience Laugh, At A Minimum Of Once Every Fifteen Seconds.

A Lot Of People Say To Me, 'why Did You Kill Christ?' I Dunno, It Was One Of Those Parties, Got Out Of Hand, You Know.