I Bought A Clock, But The Big

Stand-up Is Like A Row Boat: It's Fun And Romantic When You're Choosing To Do It. But If You Have No Other Choice Than To Be In A Row Boat It's Not As Enjoyable; That's Survival.

I Was On The Train The Other Day, And I Heard Somebody Say, I'm Really Good At Checkers. That's The Same Thing As Saying, I'm Not Good At Very Many Things.

The Problem With Most People, Is That They Are Most People.

But I Found That Disappointing People Is A Good Thing, Because Disapproval Is Freedom.

I Don't Think I Ever Wrote A Song. I Can Write A Lot Of Jokes, But When I Try To Write Lyrics They're The Most Direct, Non-figurative Words, Like, 'i Like You, I Like You,'... And That's It, For The Whole Song. People Would Go, 'ooh, This Guy's Dylan Or Something.' It Gives Me A Lot More Respect For Songwriters, Actually.