I Come Up With My Jokes By

God, That Anthony Jeselnik Show Sounds Really Funny.

I Let A Friend Set Me Up On A Blind Date. It Was A Disaster. She Ended Up Being A Burn Victim. By The End Of The Night.

I Think Some People Just Don't Know That Much About Comedy. It Would Be Like A Person Who Didn't Know Anything About Football Thinking All Offensive Linemen Are The Same.

If Your House Is On Fire And You Can Only Escape With Your Life And One Thing, What One Thing Would You Take Out Of Your House? I Got To Think My Laptop Is The One Thing That Is Totally Irreplaceable. Either That Or My Son. Laptop. I'll Go Laptop.

Watching Soccer Just Makes Me Wish I Was Watching Foosball.