I'd Rather Have Two Girls At 21

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

I've Been Drunk Only Once In My Life. But That Lasted For Twenty-three Years.

Indeed, Moderation Is My Middle Name (though I Do Not Often Use It In Signing Legal Documents)

The Laziest Man I Ever Met Put Popcorn In His Pancakes So They Would Turn Over By Themselves.