I Didn't Go On Dialysis Because I

Every Time You Think Television Has Hit Its Lowest Ebb, A New Program Comes Along To Make You Wonder Where You Thought The Ebb Was.

I Like Champagne Because It Always Tastes As Though My Foot's Asleep.

I Don't Know Whether This Is The Best Of Times Or The Worst Of Times, But I Assure You It's The Only Time You've Got. You Can Either Sit On Your Expletive Deleted Or Pick A Daisy.

As My Good Friend Al Capp Told Me A Few Years Ago, The Best Thing To Do With A Confirmed [hotel] Reservation Slip When You Have No Room Is To Spread It Out On The Sidewalk In Front Of The Hotel And Go To Sleep On It. You'll Either Embarrass The Hotel Into Giving You A Room Or You'll Be Hauled Off To The Local Jug, Where At Least You'll Have A Roof Over Your Head.

Writers Are Funny About Reviews: When They Get A Good One They Ignore It-- But When They Get A Bad Review They Never Forget It. Every Writer I Know Is The Same Way: You Get A Hundred Good Reviews, And One Bad, Andyou Remember Only The Bad. For Years, You Go On And Fantasize About The Reviewer Who Didn't Like Your Book; You Imagine Him As A Jerk, A Wife-beater, A Real Ogre. And, In The Meantime, The Reviewer Has Forgotten All About The Whole Thing. But, Twenty Years Later, The Writer Still Remembers That One Bad Review.