I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I

If I Had Taken My Doctor's Advice And Quit Smoking When He Advised Me To, I Wouldn't Have Lived To Go To His Funeral.

Money Is The Root Of All Evil.' Then We Hear, 'a Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted.' What Are They Talking About? If Money Is So Evil, Shouldn't It Be, 'a Wise Man And His Money Are Soon Parted'? And Another Thing, How Does A Fool Get Money In The First Place? I Know Some Fools Who Have A Lot Of Money, But They Won't Tell Me How They Got It, And I Won't Tell Them.

When I Was In Vegas Women Were Throwing Their Hotel Keys At Me. But It Was After They Checked Out.

People Are Always Asking Me When I'm Going To Retire. Why Should I? I've Got It Two Ways - I'm Still Making Movies, And I'm A Senior Citizen, So I Can See Myself At Half Price.

Bridge Is A Game That Separates The Men From The Boys. It Also Separates Husbands And Wives.