I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I

There's Nothing Wrong With Making Love With The Light On. Just Make Sure The Car Door Is Closed.

Everything That Goes Up Must Come Down. But There Comes A Time When Not Everything That's Down Can Come Up.

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

Sex After 90 Is Like Trying To Shoot Pool With A Rope. Even Putting My Cigar In Its Holder Is A Thrill.

I Thought To Myself, 'why Not Write A Bestseller?' In The First Place, More People Buy Them And More People Read Them. You Make More Money And It Doesn’t Take Any More Time To Write A Bestseller Than It Does To Write A Book Nobody Buys.