I Don't Know What Humor Is.

When I Die, My Epitaph Or Whatever You Call Those Signs On Gravestones Is Going To Read: "i Joked About Every Prominent Man Of My Time, But I Never Met A Man I Didn't Like."

But We Can't Alibi All Our Ills By Just Knocking The Old Banker. First He Loaned The Money, Then The People All At Once Wanted It Back, And He Didn't Have It. Now He's Got It Again, And Is Afraid To Loan It, So The Poor Devil Don't Know What To Do.

I Remember When Being Liberal Meant Being Generous With Your Own Money.

Eventually You Will Reach A Point When You Stop Lying About Your Age And Start Bragging About It.

When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car.