I Don't Want To Get Involved In

I Worked On Usa Today As A Topic For While. I Tried To Do Something On Hand Chairs, Chairs That Look Like Hands. I Really Tried. But Some Topics Are Not Truly Universal.

No One Goes Into Standup To Make Money. The Frustration And Rejection Are Just Too Much.

That's Why When I Send A Postcard I Quiz People. "hey, Did You Get That Postcard?" "yeah, Yeah Yeah." "well What'd I Say?" "uh, You Were Havin-" "i Was In Jail"

I Always Imagine That If I Met Dr. Seuss, He Would Be Very Similar To Crispin Glover.

There's Something About Being A Parent That Has, I Think, Made Me A Better Comedian.