I Fed My Ego, But Not My

In America, You Drive Car. In Soviet Russia, Car Drive You!

Homosexuality In Russia Is A Crime And The Punishment Is Seven Years In Prison, Locked Up With The Other Men. There Is A Three Year Waiting List.

I Was Not Only Typecast As A Russian, But I Was Typecast As Yakov Smirnoff. This Is Understandable, And I Was Very Happy To Get The Roles, But It Would Be Nice To Be In A Movie Where I Could Be Someone Else.

I Believe That Love And Laughter Can Only Happen When One Person Takes The Time To Think About What Would Cause The Other Person To Feel Good.

In America, You Assassinate President. In Soviet Russia, President Assassinate You!