I Feel Like I Represent Normalcy In

Now Every Girl Is Expected To Have: Caucasian Blue Eyes, Full Spanish Lips, A Classic Button Nose, Hairless Asian Skin With A California Tan, A Jamaican Dance Hall Ass, Long Swedish Legs, Small Japanese Feet, The Abs Of A Lesbian Gym Owner, The Hips Of A Nine-year-old Boy, The Arms Of Michelle Obama, And Doll Tits. The Person Closest To Actually Achieving This Look Is Kim Kardashian, Who, As We Know, Was Made By Russian Scientists To Sabotage Our Athletes.

Obviously, As An Adult I Realize This Girl-on-girl Sabotage Is The Third Worst Kind Of Female Behavior, Right Behind Saying "like" All The Time And Leaving Your Baby In A Dumpster.

North Korea Referred To The Interview As Absolutely Intolerable And A Wanton Act Of Terror. Even More Amazing: Not The Worst Review The Movie Got.

You're Not In Competition With Other Women. You're In Competition With Everyone.

This Made No Sense To Me, Probably Because I Speak English And Have Never Had A Head Injury.